Guy in my class:
Sir, what if we had a gay P.E. teacher? That'd be bad because he'd be looking at all the guys in shorts.
You're assuming that all gay teachers are pedophiles.
Carl I absolutely promise you that NO ONE in this school wants to have sex with you
YES YES A THOUSAND TIMES YES
when you pass an exam you expected to fail
Whenever I need motivation I just google Gordon Ramsey
Guy on train:
I'd fuck you if you didn't have so many tattoos.
*turns up music*
I said I'd fuck you if you didn't have so many tattoos!
*takes off headphones* Leave. Me. Alone.
Why the fuck do you have so many tattoos?
Are you fucking deaf as well as a piece of trash?
Lady by door:
Hey. Leave her alone.
Are you her trash girlfriend? Fucking dykes, all tattooed like fucking men. Disgusting waste of pussy.
*moves forward, carefully moves jacket so only I can see the badge on her belt* Are you okay?
Fine. Just wish he'd go away.
I can make that happen.
Oh, yeah, bitch? Who the fuck are you? I'll kill you!
And that's what I was waiting for. *grabs guy, holds him against the door* Harassing women on the train was enough, but you just threatened a cop. You're battin' a thousand tonight.
if you’re reading this we’re now in a relationship love you babe
It doesn’t cost a damn thing.
Sprinkle that shit everywhere.
My anaconda don’t want none unless you got
where can i buy that for free
"After wrapping Guardians of the Galaxy I was very homesick and I was coming home to my wife and my son, who at the time was 13 months old. My wife told me ‘Hey, listen there’s a chance he may not recognize you and he may be a little shy’ and so I came in there, and he just sat right up and had this big smile on his face. He started saying ‘Daddy, daddy, daddy!’ and I just started to cry. He saw the tears in my eyes and started doing bits to make me laugh and that just made me cry more."
- Chris Pratt on the best day of his life.
AND NOW IM CRYING THANKS