Guy in my class: Sir, what if we had a gay P.E. teacher? That'd be bad because he'd be looking at all the guys in shorts.
Teacher: You're assuming that all gay teachers are pedophiles.
Guy: Well...yeah.
Teacher: Carl I absolutely promise you that NO ONE in this school wants to have sex with you
posted 16 hours ago -- 365,865 notes |

wildflower-faerie:

YES YES A THOUSAND TIMES YES

posted 17 hours ago -- 290,895 notes |

girlslug:

TOO REAL

posted 17 hours ago -- 198,397 notes |

fangirlingemma:

when you pass an exam you expected to fail

image

posted 17 hours ago -- 87,643 notes |

c1504:

Whenever I need motivation I just google Gordon Ramsey 

posted 17 hours ago -- 241,638 notes |
Guy on train: I'd fuck you if you didn't have so many tattoos.
Me: *turns up music*
Guy: I said I'd fuck you if you didn't have so many tattoos!
Me: *takes off headphones* Leave. Me. Alone.
Guy: Why the fuck do you have so many tattoos?
Me:
Guy: Are you fucking deaf as well as a piece of trash?
Lady by door: Hey. Leave her alone.
Guy: Are you her trash girlfriend? Fucking dykes, all tattooed like fucking men. Disgusting waste of pussy.
Lady: *moves forward, carefully moves jacket so only I can see the badge on her belt* Are you okay?
Me: Fine. Just wish he'd go away.
Lady cop: I can make that happen.
Guy: Oh, yeah, bitch? Who the fuck are you? I'll kill you!
Lady cop: And that's what I was waiting for. *grabs guy, holds him against the door* Harassing women on the train was enough, but you just threatened a cop. You're battin' a thousand tonight.
Entire train: *applauds*
posted 2 weeks ago -- 563,862 notes |
posted 2 weeks ago -- 406,617 notes |

if you’re reading this we’re now in a relationship love you babe

posted 2 weeks ago -- 552,572 notes |

officialfrenchtoast:

not an overreaction

posted 2 weeks ago -- 386,913 notes |

intractably:

Kindness.

It doesn’t cost a damn thing. 

Sprinkle that shit everywhere.

posted 3 weeks ago -- 116,888 notes |

realitytvgifs:

My anaconda don’t want none unless you got

image

posted 3 weeks ago -- 155,067 notes |

egberts:

where can i buy that for free

posted 3 weeks ago -- 774,640 notes |

Story of my life.

posted 3 weeks ago -- 277,164 notes |

"After wrapping Guardians of the Galaxy I was very homesick and I was coming home to my wife and my son, who at the time was 13 months old. My wife told me ‘Hey, listen there’s a chance he may not recognize you and he may be a little shy’ and so I came in there, and he just sat right up and had this big smile on his face. He started saying ‘Daddy, daddy, daddy!’ and I just started to cry. He saw the tears in my eyes and started doing bits to make me laugh and that just made me cry more."

- Chris Pratt on the best day of his life.

AND NOW IM CRYING THANKS

posted 3 weeks ago -- 104,742 notes |

neairaalenko:

unlimitedgoats:

luxvriously:

My anaconda will consider it

My anaconda has, upon review of the information presented with it’s partners, decided that it, in fact, does not. My anaconda apologizes for any inconvenience this may cause and thanks you for your time.

Hun

posted 3 weeks ago -- 478,697 notes |